Only if I had one more moment with you.

I received the news of my grandfather’s death a few days back, the most unexpected, unfortunate and heart breaking news. Especially when it was just 2 days back I have spent an entire week of festival season with him at my home town. Call it coincidence or as God has it, it was only during the last weeks of 2016 I promised myself to spend every festival season going forward with my family after a long gap of five years and here I was staring 2017 year, but who would have thought it would be our last days together.

As I traveled back to bid him a final goodbye and be with my mother in her loss I carried a lot of emotions with me.

Our distance grew with my age

From the time as a kid, when I would stay with none other than my grandfather with him around, to the time as an adult, where I have found my own company in friends, siblings, parents, work and digital devices. I often regretted finding him sitting alone and indulging himself in television, which was his better companion now. May be he wished I would sit beside and share some words with him. May be he admitted I have grown up and he has grown old.

As a kid he was my bedtime story teller and I was his evening walk buddy. He was my uncalled genie, fulfilling all my wishes (chocolates, gifts, gadgets) and I was his satisfaction. Time has its own wheel to say, as we grew older, i became occupied and he became alone.

Only if I had one more moment with you, I wish to go out for one more evening walk discussing all my stories and watching you smile and get myself chocolates on our way back home.

Only if I had one more moment with you

A few more words and a few more jokes I would have loved to tell him

There is always a lovely bond between grandparents and grandchildren. The conversions are often so kiddish and jovial but also educative. In Indian culture older generation are seen as the roots of the family, a blessing, for all their wisdom acquired from life experience, a torch bearer of culture and a guide no matter how accelerated life we might opt for there is always a inner self development which defines who we are.

The laughter we had together on my funny jokes, some serious talks on career advice and the motivation to lead a healthy and successful life he would provide me. Loads and loads of knowledge and wisdom stories he narrated from “Panchatantra”, “Tenali Raman and Krishnadevaraya” and “Vikram and Betal” and with such an innocent eyes and awestruck i would indulge. The same was not particularly the mood in the recent years. May be he wanted to narrate one more tale and see my eyes fixated and indulge at him or may be i have grown up too fast and didn’t have the time for his tales.

Only if I had one more moment with you, I wish there would have been one more joke I could tell and watch you smile and one more tale I can listen.

Only if I had one more moment with you

Achievements I would want him to be part of

As a kids we are extremely receptive of new leanings devoid of judgement of good and bad. The people around us, their talk, tone, actions all are inscribed in the cerebrum as we grow. He introduced me to the world of travel, excitement of movies, particularly Sci-Fi, Adventure, Action and Horror, to the adrenaline of adventure and to the love for cuisines. He was first craziest friend of mine filling my life with such an excitement and joy in ways i never imagines and asked for and in times when i never even knew to define them.

Ever since i have traveled, watched numerous movies, and tried out variety of cuisines and delicacies with my friends, family and strangers while my craziest friend has been restricted by the doctors for his heart and diabetes condition.

May be deep down in his wrinkled skin he secretly wished to live his life again, relive his love for visual spectacles and tastes. May he wished this time I could be his craziest friend and make his life exciting in the ways he can’t imagine and couldn’t define or may be he has accepted he has grown old and I have found my new youthful and craziest best friends

Only if I had one more moment with you, i can tell you, you were and always be my best buddy and i am sorry i was not there in times when you needed a craziest friend to sprinkle your life with a little excitement.

Only if I had one more moment with you

But, now can I have one more moment together

This event in my life has however led me to accept that my time with my family, my parents is limited and I need to make most of it while still I can. Make time for them besides being indulged with work, friends, colleagues, girlfriend, personal activities 24×7 because as we accelerate to catch-on with our life there is never enough time. But as we accelerate our older generation decelerates, accepting their limited time and rewinding the memory reel, particularly staring and hoping to travel back to day when we were born.

When we loose people we carry a great deal of regrets on all things we said and we couldn’t, all things we did and ones buried in our dreams and it is painful. However, unlike most of our memories this doesn’t fade easily with time, it remains in the heart and rewinds at the loneliest nights. Unlike most of our memories, it can’t be repaired even if wished to.

Only if I had one more moment with you.